When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

Excerpt

Kenna

The railroad tracks rumble beneath my pink sneakers, vibrating my entire body along with them. My heart thunders in my chest.

I’m not backing out.

Sunshine beats down on me. It’s early summer, but it’s already proving to be an especially hot one. A rarity for a suburb of Seattle. It’s too bad I won’t be here to enjoy it.

Off to the side, near the shade of the trees, movement distracts me. Something is nearby. I can’t tell what.

And I don’t care.

The rumble of the tracks grows stronger. It’s harder to balance.

My pulse races as the deep-throated horn blares through the air.

Though the driver clearly sees me, the green and yellow machine doesn’t appear to slow.

Good. That’s exactly what I want.

The horn wails again, this time rippling through me.

My right foot slips from the track. I land in the middle of the two long pieces of metal. It’s probably for the best. I’ll be hit by the center of the train. More force to end it all faster.

Squeal! Tssh…

The brakes.

No!

Don’t stop!

Trains take forever to stop. Like half a mile or something. This can still happen.

I do the only thing I can. I burst into a run toward the massive, now-slowing vehicle.

The horn blares again, but I barely notice it. I can’t let the train stop before it reaches me. If I’m going to get anything right in my life, it has to be this.

Now that I’m running, it’s coming toward me faster. My heart pounds harder.

This is it. It’s really going to happen. I can almost count down, but it would be too disappointing to get to zero, only to find out that I’d miscalculated.

The horn now sounds like a constant noise. That driver really wants me off the tracks.

He doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.

I’m ready for this.

Something hits me. From the side.

Wait, what?

Now everything is a blur. I’m sailing through the air sideways. Away from the train! It’s leaving my line of sight.

My shoulder hits the ground first. Then my hip and side. My head hits. Hard.

I roll. Dirt and gravel get in my face.

I’m a mess of soil and grass.

The train barrels past.

I missed my train!

“What were you thinking?” demands a male voice from behind.

I spin toward the voice and glare at its owner. The gorgeous face of the owner. His almost-shoulder-length wavy hair is mostly covered by a gray beanie which perfectly matches his plaid flannel shirt.

“What were you thinking?” he repeats.

I jump up and dust rocks and grass from my jeans and shirt. “Me? What about you? Why’d you do that?”

He stands, but doesn’t dust himself off. “You mean why did I save your life?”

“Yeah.” I glower at him. My heart continues racing, but now from anger instead of excitement. “I had it all planned perfectly. Then you show up. The one variable I didn’t take into account. Jerk.”

He shakes his head. “You’re unbelievable. I save your life, and you call me names.”

“I called you a jerk. That’s one name. Learn to count.”

“Why’d you do it?” He adjusts his hat and tilts his head. His eyes are filled more with concern than annoyance now.

The guy is flipping gorgeous, but in the most down-to-earth way imaginable.

It’s infuriating.

“What’s so awful that a pretty girl like you wants to end it all?”

Pretty? Me? The guy obviously needs glasses. Maybe they flew off when he ruined my plans.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Not to you.” I fold my arms.

“Hey, I saved your life. The least you could do is tell me why you were going to throw it all away.”

I sigh as dramatically as I can. Seriously, I really draw it out and even manage a slight eye roll. Maybe I should’ve gone into acting. Too late for that. For anything, really.

There will be another train.

I ignore the hottie and storm toward the tracks. “This time I’m going to get it right.”

He jumps between me and the tracks. “And if I don’t let you?”

“You’re going to try to stop me again?”

“Yeah.” He knits his brows together, clearly daring me to try and stop him.

Why does he have to be so attractive? It’s aggravating.

I clench my fists. “I’ve fought off guys bigger than you.”

He arches a brow. “Really?”

“You’d better believe it. Wanna try me?” I step closer, ready to kick him where the sun doesn’t shine for messing up my plans. I should be all over those tracks, yet here I am just arguing with a mysterious guy who shows up out of nowhere.

He steps back with a little laugh. “Okay, I believe you. Hey, why don’t we grab something to eat?”

I just stare at him. He can’t be for real. “You want to get some lunch? After this?”

“I’m hungry. Aren’t you?”

“Doesn’t matter. I didn’t bring any money.” I need to get rid of him so I can catch the next train. It’ll be another fifteen minutes. Yes, I checked. Just in case something went wrong. I’m prepared.

He shrugs. “I have money. Come on.”

It takes me a moment to realize what he said. “Now you want to pay for my meal?”

“Yeah. Come on.”

“What? Am I your charity case for the day?”

He doesn’t move a muscle.

My stomach growls. Loudly.

He chuckles and rubs the light dusting of facial hair across his cheeks. “Sounds like you could use something to eat.”

“What I need is the next train!”

Why did I admit that to him?

“Let’s get something to eat. You don’t even have to tell me why you’re out here. Just eat the food, and sit there being furious at me for saving your life. Sound like a plan?”

I clench my jaw, not wanting to give into him. My stomach rumbles again. Why did he have to bring up food?

“Well?” The corners of his perfect mouth twitch. He finds me amusing.

“Fine.” I may as well get a meal for my trouble.

There will be other trains. And looking at this guy won’t be the worst way to spend my last hour.

 

Kenna

“What’s your name?”

I stare at the menu, pretending not to hear him. It isn’t hard to ignore him when the prices catch my attention. I’ve never been to this restaurant before, or any remotely as nice.

I can’t believe he brought me here when he could’ve just taken me to a fast food place. Maybe he wanted me to have a nice last meal.

Normally I’d be uncomfortable here, especially with dirt on my clothes, but today I don’t really care.

“Oh, come on. I don’t even get a name?”

Could he be any more annoying? I glance up at him. “You said I didn’t have to talk.”

“What’s it going to hurt to tell me your name?” His mouth twitches again.

My heart nearly jumps into my throat. What is it about him?

“Do you want my name first?” He taps his menu on the table, his eyes shining with amusement.

“Fine.” I flick him another eye roll. I haven’t rolled my eyes this much since I was fourteen and my stepmom moved in.

“Rogan.”

“What kind of a name is that?” Besides perfect. Everything else about him is jaw-dropping. Why not his name too? “Like, your parents tried to name you Logan, but couldn’t figure out how to spell it?”

He laughs.

“Am I right?”

He sips his water. “It’s a mixture of my parents’ names. I like it.”

So do I. A lot. Not that I’m going to admit that to him. To Rogan.

“Now that you know my name, what’s yours?”

There doesn’t seem to be any harm in telling him. “Kenna.”

“Really?” He tilts his head, seeming interested.

Or maybe I just want him to be interested.

No! No, I don’t. I only want lunch—the aromas of the restaurant have made me twice as famished—then I’m going back to the tracks.

“It’s really pretty.”

“What is?” I glance at the menu.

“Your name.” There’s a smile in his tone.

I don’t look up to see if it’s on his face as well. “Right. Thanks.”

“Is there a story behind it?”

“My name?”

“Yeah.” He taps the table.

“Not that I know of.”

“You don’t know why your parents chose your name?”

I snap my attention to him. “I’m not talking about them. Got it?”

He puts his hands in the air, like I’ve just pulled out a pistol on him. “Don’t talk about the parents. Understood.”

“Good. So, uh, what should I order?” It’s awkward, but I have to know with prices so mind-boggling.

“Whatever you want. Steak sounds good to me.”

I flip over to that page and my mouth falls open when I see the price. It’s literally three times more than anything I’ve ever been allowed to order.

“You okay, Kenna?”

“Yeah, sure.” I clear my throat. “It just seems a little, you know, heavy for lunch.”

“Why limit good food to dinner?”

“If you say so.” I flip through the pages again. Lobster catches my attention. I’ve always wanted to try lobster. But it’s even more expensive than the steak!

“Their lobster is to die for.”

I glance up at Rogan. “Is that a jab at my dance on the tracks?”

He shakes his head slowly. “Nope. Just saying it’s to die for. Try it, if you want.”

I study his dark brown eyes. They have flecks of green and gray. They’re completely spellbinding.

He says something, but I’m so lost in his eyes like a lovesick puppy that I don’t have a clue what he said.

I pull my attention away from the deep abyss that is Rogan’s eyes and take a deep breath.

“Well?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll have the lobster.”

A nicely dressed waitress appears—she probably has a fancier title than waitress, but all I know is the crappy hole-in-the-wall dives I’ve ever been to—and she flirts with Rogan. They act like they’re old friends.

Jealousy twists in the pit of my stomach.

Why do I even care? I’m not going to see Rogan again after this.

I’m not going to see anyone again after this. Especially not my family. Good riddance to them. My stepmom and stepbrother in particular. They’ll probably throw confetti at my funeral. If they even go.

The waitress finally leaves after Rogan gave her our orders. He actually told her to bring me lobster.

At least I will enjoy my last meal. It’ll be the most expensive thing I’ll ever eat, and I’ll get to stare at him the entire time. Never before had anyone half as hot as him paid me any attention, much less talked to me.

Speaking of talking, Rogan was saying something again. And here I was, lost in thought about how he looks.

“What?” I try to focus.

He grins. “I said, I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t go anywhere.”

I snort. “Right. You just ordered me lobster. I’d stay in this seat if the building caught fire.”

“Well, if you do go anywhere, I know exactly where to find you. I’ll push you out of the way again.”

“Whatever.” I pick up the dessert menu so I don’t have to look at him.

From the corner of my eye, I watch him walk away until he’s out of sight. Then I drop the menu and lean against the chair, half-ready to slide down to the floor.

Everything is so surreal. It’s like I had died, and gone to Heaven.

Maybe I did get hit by that train and just didn’t realize it. Rogan showed up as my angel to show me around this new place where lobster rains down from the sky and unbelievably gorgeous guys actually care what happens to me.

“Did you pick out a dessert?” Rogan sits back in his seat.

“We haven’t even had the meal yet.”

The waitress arrives again. She drops off a basket of bread slices, each a different color, along with some little cups of butter and oil. She winks at Rogan before leaving.

“She your girlfriend or something?” I ask.

“Ana?” He shakes his head with a chuckle. “No, she thinks she’ll get a better tip if she flirts.”

“Why?”

Rogan studies me. “Because that’s how it works with most guys. Not me. I don’t care about fake flirting.”

“Huh.”

He bores his gaze into me, and again, I get lost studying the colorful flecks in his eyes.

Finally, he pulls away. “Dig in. I can hear your stomach from here.”

I shake my head. “Whatever.” But I grab the first slice of bread and take a small bite even though I just want to stuff the whole thing in my mouth to get rid of the hunger pangs.

“You in school?” he asks.

I swallow. “Just graduated. You?”

“Last year.” He dips a piece of bread into one of the cups of oil. It has spices floating in it.

Curious, I dip a piece of bread in it. It tastes like garlic and something else—Heaven, maybe?

After a few minutes, all the bread is gone. I think I ate most of it. Rogan is watching me like I’m a puppy behind a store window.

I need to get the focus off me. “You in college?”

He shakes his head. “It won’t get me where I want to go with my life, so I can’t see the point in wasting time or money on it.”

I nod.

“Are you headed for college?” he asks.

“Seriously? You know what my plans are. The train.”

“That’s honestly your big plan?” He scratches his chin and leans over the table, staring at me.

I glance to the side, not wanting to get lost in his eyes again, and twist my glass in a circle. “Yeah.”

“Don’t you—?”

Miss Flirty arrives again, this time with our steaming meals. She sets the lobster in front of me.

The thing still has its shell. Everywhere. How on earth am I supposed to eat that?

She flirts with Rogan, who I notice doesn’t return the favor.

Finally, she leaves, then he turns to me. “Ready to dig in?”

Pride almost keeps me from admitting I don’t even know how to eat the food in front of me. “Yeah, but I’m not sure how to.”

I cringe, waiting for him to laugh at me and make fun of me.

He doesn’t. “Oh, you haven’t had lobster before?”

“Nope.” Not even from a can. My stepmom had bought that on occasion but always said it was too expensive for me to eat.

Rogan reaches across the table and picks up what appears to be fancy pliers. “It’s easy once you get used to it. Watch.”

Two minutes later, I find myself eating lobster. And it’s seriously the best thing to have ever found its way on my taste buds.

Between the lobster and Rogan, I have no other choice but to believe I actually did die and go to Heaven.

 

Rogan 

I can’t stop staring at Kenna. Everything about her intrigues me. I don’t know what it is about her specifically—maybe it’s a combination of everything.

She’s gorgeous. Not in the Hollywood plastic-beautiful way that everyone fawns over. There’s something so rugged about her that it just grabs my throat and won’t let go.

Then there’s the fact that she just doesn’t care about anything. Maybe that’s what sent her to the tracks. I don’t know. Like I said, I just can’t figure her out. Was she really going to stay on the train’s path, or was she going to jump out of the way in time?

“Do I have a booger or something?” She wipes at her nose.

I shake my head, trying not to smile. Does she really not know why I can’t stop looking at her?

“What, then?” Kenna blows her bangs away from her face and pushes the straw around in her glass.

It’s so refreshing to be around a girl who isn’t falling over herself trying to impress me. She actually seems kind of annoyed with my existence.

And that makes me want to figure her out all the more. Her long dark hair falls over her face, and she does nothing to move it. It’s like she doesn’t want me to look at her.

How could I not want to? She’s a mystery I want to unravel.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, reminding me I don’t have time for this.

I kind of don’t care. Yes, I have an important deadline looming over me. People waiting on me.

But Kenna. There’s something about her. I don’t just want to figure out what she’s all about. I need to know more about her. Why was she playing that dangerous game with the train? Does she really not care about anything, or is it all an act?

She glances up at me, one eye still covered by her hair. “I should get going.”

Everything in me cries out against that. I tilt my head slightly, not showing my true feelings. “How about some dessert?”

Her dazzling eye widens. “Dessert?”

I smile, but it comes out as a playful smirk. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

Kenna doesn’t say anything, and her expression doesn’t give me a clue as to what she’s thinking.

This girl is driving me crazy. And I love it. The fact that she isn’t acting like something she isn’t to try and impress me makes me want to drop my responsibilities until I get her figured out.

“Better make up your mind. The server is headed our way.”

Kenna’s nose wrinkles and she sits up taller. “Yeah, let’s have some.”

My phone buzzes again. I press the button to make it stop through my pocket, then scoot toward the edge of the booth. “I’ve got to answer a call. Why don’t you order something for the both of us.”

Her mouth drops open.

“Pick anything you want.” I nod toward the dessert menu and hurry away before she can protest.

I stand outside the bathrooms and check my missed calls. Sometimes it’s nice to be needed, but this isn’t one of those times. I press call to the most recent one.

“Why aren’t you answering anyone’s calls?” Ashton greets me.

“Dude, chill. Just carry on without me this once.”

“Without you? How are we going to do that?”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Where are you?”

I take a deep breath. “Something came up. I’ll be there tomorrow, I swear.”

“What came up? You know how important this is.”

“Of course I do! I also know you guys will be fine without me this once. I’ll call you soon, okay? If I can, I’ll swing by later.”

Ashton grumbles. “Lathe is really getting on my nerves.”

“Tell him to go pound ice. I just got inspiration for like five new songs. Trust me, my time is best spent where I am right now. You guys just practice. Tomorrow, we’ll work on the new stuff.”

“Wait. Five new songs? Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Let me go before the inspiration wanes right out of me.”

“See you tomorrow.” The call ends.

I spin around and head back to the table. Kenna’s tapping her fingers on a plate, staring at an enormous piece of cake in front of her. There’s an even bigger one at my spot across from her.

My insides tingle. Five songs? Kenna will probably inspire a dozen. I’ll be up all night writing them.