It’s My Birthday…and I’ll Post What I Want To

It’s my birthday and having fun! You’re going to see several new sides to me.

Check out some old (and mostly humorous) pictures of me:

This was my 13th birthday. I’m the one with the pink pants.

A Christmas party in college. I’m on the right.

Wedding Day: The serious photo

Casual Friday with friends. Uh…wait. No, that was Halloween. Always hard to differentiate.That’s me in the black shirt and purple pants.Me with my Grandpa (I miss you!) | Monkeying around

10 things you might not know about me…

1. Next month, I’ll be a 6-year thyroid cancer survivor.
2. In the 8th grade, I won an award for the school’s best dressed ears because of my extensive earring collection. Some of which I made myself.
3. Our nephew Sam Claflin plays Finnick Odair in the Hunger Games movies.
4. This year I’m starting a new series that has no paranormal or romance. But will full of suspense and many twists and turns.
5. When I was fourteen, I spent two weeks depressed, sleeping on my floor and listening to Cyndi Lauper’s A Night to Remember album over and over and over.
6. I earned a 2nd degree blue belt in Tae Kwon Do.
7. I’m not lying when I say my brother is 3 months older than me. (He’s my step brother.)
8. I used to be THE master of prank phone calls. Obviously before caller ID.
9. I played a very successful prank on my entire class in the 3rd grade. It was so epic that even though I got caught, I never got in trouble.
10. I once had someone dressed as a court jester insult me while squirting grapes in my face. At school. Because someone paid him to do that.

I posted that list on Facebook when everyone was getting tagged and posting their own lists last November. I had several requests to share about my prank calling adventures.

I was seriously the master, and could write a full series of blog posts on the topic of my pranks and practical jokes. None of those generic, “Is your refrigerator running?” calls for me. I’ll share a couple of the funnier prank calls for this post.

Note: Don’t try this at home. People have caller ID now. I pulled these off in the early 90’s. Also, by posting this, I am in no way indorsing prank calls or the actions of my youth. My apologies to anyone I ever pranked.

Help, Mom, I’m in Jail

A friend of mine gave me this idea, pretty much as a dare. Not one to turn down a prank call challenge, I accepted. I probably did several variations of this same prank with other numbers, but this is the one that stands out in my memory.

Late one evening,  I called a random number. A very nice and unsuspecting lady answered.

Me: Mom! You’ve got to help me. I’m in jail and they won’t let me out until you come and get me.

Her: I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number.

Me: Mom! This isn’t a time for joking around. I need you to come and get me.

Her: Really, I’m not your mom.

Me: Stop it! It’s not funny. I’m in jail. I didn’t do anything wrong.

Her (sounding frantic): You need to redial. You have the wrong number.

Me: I can’t redial! I only get one phone call. It’s you.

Her: I’m sure they’ll understand. I’m not your mom.

Me: Mo-om! Stop it. I’m scared. Get down here.

Her: I’m not your mom! I don’t even have a daughter.

Me: I can’t believe you! I’m never going to forgive you for this. How could you do this to me?

Her: You have the wrong number!

Me: (Sniffing) You suck! [Hang up.]

A Case of Stolen Identity

Another friend of mine told me that I sounded exactly like a popular girl at her old school, and she happened to have her old school’s phone book. I don’t remember the girl’s name, but we’ll call her Victoria since I’ve always liked that name.

The first thing my friend did was find all the numbers of the unpopular boys. I proceeded to call each and every one of them, asking them to go on dates with Victoria. I sounded so much like her that none of the boys I called questioned me not being her. In fact, some of them, not believing that she would speak to them, called me a liar. I denied that truth vehemently.

Before ending the calls, I told each one I didn’t want them to answer then. I gave them clear instructions to find “me” at school on Monday and give me their answer then. I said I wanted them to think about it and be sure before answering.

Then we reached the name of the shyest boy in the school. You would think that he would have been the most fortunate one of the bunch. He and his family were out for the evening.

Not to be deterred by a lack of someone to speak with, I decided to declare my (I mean…Victoria’s) love for the super shy boy on his family’s answering machine. We’ll call him Andrew. I have no idea what his name actually was.

Me, after the “beep” of the machine, in a sweet, sing-songy voice: Hi, Andrew. This is Victoria, and I have a confession to make. I’ve actually been in love with you for a realllly long time. I’ve just been too afraid to tell you. I don’t know how you feel about me, but I can’t live without you knowing. I love you so much. I dream about you at night, and I plan our wedding when I’m bored in class. You’re super sexy behind that dorky exterior. I can see right through it. I have to go out on a date with you. I can’t live without you.”

It was at this point that my friend started making hand gestures at me to stop. That backfired, because I kept going with more exuberance.

“I love you, Andrew! I love you! I’m tired of hiding it. I want the world to know how I feel about you. I can’t stay away from you anymore. I can’t wait kiss you. I think about it every day.”

My friend shook her head so fast I thought it might fly off. She was making slicing movements with her hand in front of her throat. Then she looked like she was going to grab the phone from me and hang up.

“I better go, Andrew. I love you. Find me at school on Monday!”

Word on the street was that Victoria had a very bad day at school that Monday.