The Only Things You Can Take

Excerpt

Sutton

Warm, sticky blood drips onto my face, splattering near my eye. I reach to wipe it away, but my arm feels twenty pounds heavier.

I’m moving so slowly.

My head hurts. Bad.

The ground is on my right, beneath me. I’m sideways, held in place by the seat belt digging into my shoulder.

How did I get here? I can’t even tell whose car I’m in. It’s too dark. The little light I see is from outside. Headlights. Maybe a street lamp.

Another spattering of blood drips on me. From the driver’s seat.

From his seat.

Everything comes back to me in a dizzying flood.

I gasp for air. “Kade! Are you okay?”

Silence.

I reach around for the overhead light. It’s out of reach. I’m sideways.

The driver’s seat is empty.

“Kade!” My voice is shrill, my heart about to explode from worry. “Kade!”

I reach toward where he should be, but he’s not there. He doesn’t seem to be anywhere. I need to find him. My entire body hurts, but it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is finding Kade.

Got to get loose. I grope for the seatbelt button. It won’t push, won’t free me. Stuck! I pull, squirm, but the belt won’t loosen.

Oh! Kade keeps a pocket knife in the glove box for emergencies. This is definitely an emergency.

My fingers fumble, but I manage to open the box. The knife falls. Somehow I catch it before it slides out of my reach. I manage to pull out a blade without hurting myself further. Then I cut the seatbelt.

I crash against the window below me. My shoulder hits first, then my head, making my ears ring.

Where’s my purse? I need to call for help. It’s not on the floor—or I guess, the car door, since that’s what’s on the bottom now. I can’t find it anywhere.

First I’ll find Kade, then worry about making a call.

I force myself to stand, then I scramble over the seats and to the driver’s side window, which is shattered. The broken glass slices a deep gash in my arm as I start to climb through. Cringing, I try to ignore it. I’m halfway out of the car, and look around to get my bearings.

A streetlight shines about twenty feet ahead, casting a light glow on the asphalt. Another car is near Kade’s, but it’s completely flipped over. They had to have hit us. It’s hard to remember.

I still don’t see my boyfriend.

“Kade!” My voice sounds foreign, and it echoes around me in the too-quiet night. “Kade!”

Why isn’t anyone answering? Where is everyone? There’s another car. Maybe other people from the graduation party.

“Help!”

More silence.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs, but it won’t do any good. I just need to find Kade. He must need my help.

As I pull myself through the window, my hand slips in something, and I slide.

Rip!

My new dress, the one Kade picked out for me, is ruined. I’ve slipped in blood that soaks into the fabric and onto my side.

It’s not mine. Must be Kade’s.

My chest tightens. Squeezes the air from my lungs.

Where is Kade?

Something primal takes over, and I vault out of the car and jump down to the pavement. Pain shoots through my feet because I’m wearing heels. An ankle twists and I crumple to the ground.

But I don’t care about me or my injuries. The only thing that matters is finding Kade.

“Kade!”

Someone mumbles something.

I stumble toward the voice. It’s coming from the other car. Not Kade, but it’s someone who’s hurt.

But not Kade.

My throat closes up. I kick off my pinching shoes and hurry toward the muttering.

It’s a guy in his forties, wearing a red Hawaiian shirt, hanging halfway out of the crushed car. He’s not from the graduation party, like I thought.

“Help… my wife… please.” He stares at me with almost empty eyes. “My wife.”

Then I notice he has a cell phone in his hand. I grab it from him. “I’m calling for help!”

“My… wife.” He closes his eyes.

“Hold on!” My voice is even more shrill now. I make my way to the other side of the car as I fumble to find the emergency numbers without having to deal with his password.

The phone is ringing.

When I get to the other side of the car, what I see makes my stomach lurch. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. Not even in slasher films or the gory lifeguard training videos.

A horrible odor hits me. I turn around and retch.

The emergency operator is talking on the phone.

I wipe my mouth and struggle to find my voice. “There’s been an accident.” My voice barely comes out louder than a whisper. I try to speak louder. “A bad accident. People are dying!”

The woman on the other end asks me some questions. I answer as best I can, but I don’t even know where we are. Need to find the street signs. I stumble away from the car and down the street. There, on the corner, I spy two signs. “Near the corner of Third Avenue and West Spruce Street. Hurry!”

“Stay on the line. What’s your name?”

Didn’t I already tell her? I struggle to swallow air. “I need to find my boyfriend!”

“Sutton, stay with me.”

I knew I’d told her my name. “Hurry!”

Then I drop the phone without ending the call. I limp back over to Kade’s car as fast as I can. He has to be near it. And he has to be in better shape than that couple. I can’t bear to think of anything happening to him.

We’ve already promised to marry each other after college. Agreed on three kids, a dog, and a cat. We’re going to grow old together. But before all of that, we have an action-packed summer to get through. We’re going to celebrate the year between high school and college with a backpacking trip, beach parties, and even a week building houses for the poor.

“Kade!”

I make my way around to the other side of his car.

Then I see him.

My knees nearly give out on me, but I run toward the person I love more than any other. “Kade!”

Shards of broken glass dig into my soles, but I don’t care. He’s lying on his side, sprawled halfway on the road and halfway on the grass. Not moving.

Hot tears sting my eyes worse than the broken glass in my feet. I call out to him, not sure I’m actually making sense.

It feels like forever, but I finally reach him. I crumple to the ground, put my fingers under his nose.

He’s not breathing.

Yes, he is. Warm air tickles my finger!

“Kade!” I wrap my arms around him and brush his black hair from his face. Some of it sticks to his forehead—his bloody forehead. “Kade, I’m here. It’s Sutton.”

He mumbles something, but I can’t make it out.

“Kade, I love you. Talk to me!”

His eyelids flutter.

I kiss his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere, babe. I’m right here.”

“My head hurts.”

I kiss his temple, getting blood on my mouth. “There was an accident. Paramedics are on the way.”

“My back.” He gasps for air.

“Help is coming.” I kiss his lips.

Kade mumbles again.

“Stay with me.” My voice cracks. I’m barely holding myself together, but I have to. For him. “We have to get ready for the backpacking trip, remember?”

His eyelids flutter again, then he opens them. “I’ll always love you.”

My heart sinks at the finality in his tone. Tears blur my vision. I blink them away. “Don’t do this! Don’t say goodbye.”

“You made my life worth living.”

A lump in my throat prevents me from responding.

“Enjoy the trip for me. I love you.”

“Kade, no!”

He closes his eyes.

“No!”

His breathing sounds like a whistle.

“Wake up!” I kiss him all over his face. “Wake up, please! I love you too!”

Kade takes a shallow breath. Then another.

“Kade!”

I wait for another breath. Wait some more.

Sirens sound in the distance.

“Help is here,” I whisper in his ear.

He still hasn’t taken another breath.

“Hang on, Kade!” Tears stream down my face, mixing with his blood. “Breathe!”

He doesn’t.

I press on his chin, forcing his mouth open. Then I plug his nose and breathe into his mouth. Once, twice, three times.

Tires squeal, stopping behind what’s left of the car.

“Sutton? Kade?”

I turn to see Anchor, Kade’s best friend. His eyes widen and his face pales. Then Anchor’s date shows up next to him. She covers her mouth with her hands and cries out.

“Sutton?” Anchor falls to his knees next to me. Tears shine in his eyes as he stares at Kade. “Is he…?”

“He’s gone.”

Anchor leans over and gives Kade mouth-to-mouth. Then he looks up at me with a wild look in his eyes. “This isn’t working!”

I collapse, then bury myself against Kade’s chest for what will surely be the last time. Choking on violent sobs, I realize my world will never be the same. My heart shatters into smaller pieces than the window glass.

I know I’ll never recover.

The ambulance is now here. But it’s too late.

My Kade is gone.

***

Anchor

The medics are here now, but Sutton is still clinging to Kade, blocking them.

Pushing aside my own grief, I grasp her arms. “Sutton, we have to let them work on him.”

She turns to me, her expression like a zombie. “He’s gone.”

I tighten my grip slightly and pull her away from Kade. The medics move in and start CPR.

“Kade’s gone.” Sutton shakes, her big brown eyes wider than I’ve ever seen.

I pull her close and hold her tight. “Maybe they can bring him back.”

She shakes even harder. “He said goodbye. I told him not to!”

“Shh.” I rub her back and swallow the lump in my throat. In a way, I’m glad she’s here to comfort. It gives me something to focus on—something other than the fact that the guy who is more brother than friend is lying in front of me. Dead.

He’s dead.

The reality of it crushes me. Forces the air out of my chest.

I’m only vaguely aware of Sutton’s tears soaking my silk shirt. I continue rubbing her back and force myself to look at Kade again.

One of the medics calls it.

It’s official.

My best friend, my brother, is gone.

There’s nothing more anyone can do for him.

His parents. Someone has to tell his parents. His sisters. They shouldn’t hear it from a cop. I need to tell them. I’m like a second son to them.

How am I going to manage?

Somebody’s talking to me. She sounds so far away.

“Anchor.” Ella waves her hand in front of my face. “They’re going to take Kade away.”

I sit up and clear my throat. “Sutton, we need to let them take him.”

She bolts upright. “No!”

“Sutton…” My heart breaks for her.

It breaks for me.

Mostly for Kade, who will never live to do all we have planned.

Sutton throws herself on top of Kade and sobs.

I can’t take it any longer. My floodgates explode and I cry harder than I ever have in my life. This is a hundred times worse than when Sparky died.

How will I get by without my best friend? We’ve been causing trouble together since before we were out of diapers. I don’t know life without him. There isn’t life without my brother.

Ella puts her hand on my arm. “Let’s take Sutton to your car.”

“Right.”

She helps me up, then I help Sutton up. Sutton struggles against me. I don’t blame her. The last thing I want is to leave Kade right now. To have strangers take him away. Then they’ll leave him alone on a slab. A cold, metal slab. All alone.

I hand Sutton over to Ella, then turn around and throw up.

After I wipe my mouth, I turn to them and notice a long gash in Sutton’s dress. It runs just below her chest down to her waist, exposing her underwear. I slide off my suit jacket and help her into it. It perfectly covers her side.

Somehow, the three of us end up back at my car. Sutton’s back in my arms, still sobbing. I lean my head against hers and cry along with her, my tears soaking her now-messy updo.

I wish it were me being loaded onto the ambulance. Kade’s the one with his whole life mapped out. He’s going to spend part of his summer volunteering to help the poor…

Was. He was going to. Me? I was just going to laze around and enjoy having no summer homework for once. Selfish bastard. Why am I the one alive?

Ella’s talking again. She’s nice, but I wish she’d go away.

“Anchor,” she says. “The medics want to look over Sutton.”

Then I remember the gashes on her face and arms. Blood all over her powder-blue dress. How much of it was hers, and how much was Kade’s?

Sutton’s still sobbing into my chest.

I wipe my tears and clear my throat. “Sutton, are you hurt?”

She looks up at me. “Kade’s dead. Of course I’m hurting!”

I lick my lips. “I mean physically. The medics want to look at you.”

“Don’t leave me!” She pleads with her eyes.

“I won’t.” I guide her in the direction of the ambulance. She stumbles, limps. Sutton is barefoot and glass is spread all over the road. Without a word, I scoop her up.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you out.”

Fire lights in her eyes and she starts to say something, but then she leans her head against my shoulder and goes limp in my arms.

“If it makes you feel better, I wish it was me. Not him.”

She looks back at me, her mouth gaping. “Don’t say that. He wouldn’t want you to say that.”

I frown. “He’s the better person.”

“He would disagree.”

We reach the ambulance before I can respond. I set her on her feet, and one of the medics helps her to a bed.

“Don’t leave me.” Sutton reaches for me.

I throw a questioning glance to the medic. He nods, giving me permission to join her.

The body bag is on the other bed. I feel like throwing up again, but I hold myself together for Sutton. Kade would want me to. In my mind, I see him smiling at me in thanks.

I’ll never see that smile again.

Why wasn’t it me?

I stand between Sutton and the body bag, hoping she doesn’t see it. She grabs my hand and answers the medic’s rapid-fire questions in a monotoned voice. All I can think about is the long black bag behind me. More specifically, what’s inside.

Who’s inside.

My stomach lurches again. I swallow down the bile and focus on Sutton.

“You’re going to need stitches,” a paramedic tells her. “We have to take you to the hospital. Then there will be more questions about the accident.”

Sutton turns to me, her eyes shining with tears. “Can he come with me?”

“I’m sorry, no. But he can meet you there.”

Tears spill onto her face.

“I’ll call your mom.” I help her back into my jacket and take a deep breath. I also need to talk to Kade’s parents, but I don’t tell Sutton.

“Can you meet me there too?”

“If you want me to.”

She nods quickly, then grimaces and puts her hand on her temple.

I turn to the medic. “How long do you think it’ll be before they let me see her?”

“Hard to say. She’s going to need a lot of stitches.”

“Okay.” I turn to Sutton and squeeze her hand. “I’m going to drop off Ella, then I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

“And you’re going to call my mom?”

I nod. I’ll have to call her before I break the news to Kade’s family.

“We’ll take good care of you,” the paramedic assures Sutton.

She doesn’t look convinced.

I squeeze her hand again. “I’ll see you really soon. You’ll be okay?”

Sutton swallows, then nods. “As much as I can be.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you there.” Then I whisper to the medic not to let her see the bag.

Ella’s pacing outside. “Is everything okay? I mean, Sutton’s not hurt, is she?”

“Just needs stitches.”

“She’s lucky.”

That’s up for debate, but I don’t say anything. We head back to my car. “I have to call her mom, and I need to tell Kade’s parents before the cops do.” I glance around at the officers swarming the scene now. We pass Kade’s car, and I notice his side is almost completely caved in. His side window and the windshield are completely shattered.

I shudder.

Ella sighs. “I don’t know how anyone survived that.”

I can’t bring myself to answer. All I can think about is what Kade must’ve been thinking. Did he know he was going to die? Sutton said he told her goodbye, so he must have.

My heart breaks even more than it already has. I clear my throat, determined not to shed any more tears for the time being. I need to be strong for Kade’s family.

“What do you want me to do?” Ella asks.

I want her to go away. I hardly know the girl, but we decided to go to the post-graduation party together after we both got dumped. Our stupid exes cheated on us with each other. We went to the party together to spite them. Now she’s the one helping me through the worst night of my life. It’s not like she’s a bad person. She’s sweet enough. But I don’t want an acquaintance, not even a nice one,  with me right now.

“Anchor? Let me help.”

“Okay.” I draw in a deep breath. “Call my parents and let them know what’s going on. They’ll know what to do.”

“Sure. Or you can call them, and I’ll drive. Do you want me to? I’m not sure you’re really up to it.”

I shake my head. Nobody drives my baby. I’ve only even let Kade drive her a few times, and I’d trust him with my life.

Ella frowns. “Well, if you change your mind, just let me know.”

“Right.” Like that would ever happen. I climb into the driver’s seat and start the car. She purrs to life and I turn on the headlights.

Kade’s broken, mangled car lights up.

Everything crashes down on top of me. I punch the steering wheel. Again and again. The horn blares a few times. Tears blur my vision. Anger and heartache choke me. I scream at the top of my lungs. I scream and I scream.

I’m never going to see Kade again. Never be able to call him in the middle of the night for our ridiculous conversations that only make sense to us. He’ll never pull another prank on me and laugh until he can’t breathe. We’ll never do anything together ever again.

Graduation doesn’t mark a new beginning. It marks the end of everything.

A hand rests on my arm.

I struggle to breathe. Ella didn’t ask to be here through this with me. I turn to her. “I’ll take you home.”

She shakes her head. “I’m going to take you home. You need to let me drive.”

I can’t argue with her, so I climb out and hand her the keys. I don’t know why I took them out. I’m just not thinking straight.

Ella starts the car and turns to me. “I know how much the car means to you. I’ll be careful.”

“Thanks.” Guilt stings me for wishing she’d go away.

Now it’s time to make some calls. Do I call Sutton’s mom first, or my parents?

I call Sutton’s mom because she’ll want to head to the hospital to see her daughter. Plus, I need her there in case it takes me a long time at Kade’s house.

Never have I dreaded a conversation more than right now.